Marriage is a beautiful journey, but one that comes with its challenges. While love is a strong foundation, building a lasting marriage requires more than just affection. It involves effort, understanding, compromise, and a shared vision of life together. It is often said that marriage is not just a union of two people but of two families, cultures, and sometimes even two worldviews. As the wedding day approaches, nerves kick in, and questions may arise: “Am I truly prepared?” “Do we have what it takes?” “What does it take to build a lasting marriage?”
In this blog, we’ll unpack the secrets to building a strong and lasting marriage before you say “I do,” so you can enter this union with clarity, confidence, and a solid foundation for the future. Let’s dive into the essential elements of a marriage that will stand the test of time.
- Know Thyself: The Importance of Self-Awareness
Before you can build a lasting marriage, it’s crucial to have a deep understanding of yourself. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship because it allows you to recognize your needs, your values, and your triggers. Many people enter marriages without having fully examined who they are as individuals, and this can lead to problems down the road.
As South Asian culture emphasizes family values and community, individual identity can sometimes take a backseat. However, it’s important to step back and ask yourself:
- What are my core values?
- What do I want out of life?
- What are my emotional triggers and how do I manage them?
The key to self-awareness lies in reflection and personal growth. This step doesn’t happen overnight, but starting this process before marriage will help you better understand your partner, and more importantly, help you communicate your needs clearly.
Pop culture reference: Think about how Ross Geller from Friends had to go through multiple failed relationships before he realized what he truly wanted in life—someone who understood and accepted him as he was. Self-awareness could have saved him from a lot of heartbreak (and divorces!).
- Align on Core Values and Life Goals
Love may be what brings you together, but shared values and life goals will be what keeps you together. A common mistake many couples make is not discussing the big questions before getting married. If you and your partner are not on the same page about important issues like career, family, finances, and religion, you could be setting yourself up for future conflicts.
Some important questions to discuss include:
- Do we both want children, and if so, how many?
- How do we view the roles of partners in marriage?
- What are our financial goals and how do we plan to achieve them?
- How important is faith or spirituality in our daily lives?
In South Asian culture, where family plays a central role, it’s crucial to discuss family expectations as well. From in-laws to family planning, ensure both you and your partner are aligned on these matters.
South Asian Reference: In Bollywood’s classic Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, the differences in values between Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan) and Anjali (Kajol) led to major family drama. Understanding your core values and aligning them with your partner’s can help avoid unnecessary conflicts later on.
- Communication is Key
Open, honest communication is the foundation of any successful marriage. It’s important to develop strong communication skills before you say “I do.” This involves not only expressing your needs and desires but also listening actively to your partner’s thoughts and feelings. Miscommunication is often the root cause of many relationship problems, and it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.
Here are some tips for effective communication:
- Practice active listening: Don’t just hear what your partner is saying, truly listen.
- Avoid defensiveness: Instead of responding with a defensive tone, try to understand your partner’s point of view.
- Express your emotions calmly: When addressing conflicts, use “I” statements like “I feel…” rather than “You always…”
Pop culture reference: In The Office, Jim and Pam’s relationship thrived because of their open and honest communication. They consistently talked about their goals, their fears, and how they could support each other. Couples that communicate well, thrive well.
- Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is an act of love—both for yourself and for your partner. Boundaries in a relationship define what you are comfortable with and how you expect to be treated. Healthy boundaries create a sense of safety, respect, and trust in a relationship.
Before getting married, have conversations about:
- Personal space and independence within the marriage
- Time spent with extended family or friends
- How you will manage your individual goals alongside your shared goals
Setting boundaries may be difficult, especially in cultures where the idea of “sacrifice” is often glorified. However, clear boundaries prevent misunderstandings and resentment in the long run. Your marriage is the union of two individuals, and each person’s needs and desires should be respected.
- Learn How to Resolve Conflicts
No matter how much you love your partner, conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. What matters is not whether you have conflicts but how you handle them. Successful couples know how to manage disagreements without allowing them to escalate into damaging arguments. The way you resolve conflicts before marriage sets the tone for how you’ll handle them during your marriage.
Here’s a simple guide to handling conflicts:
- Stay calm: Take a break if emotions are running high. Cool off and come back to the conversation when both of you can speak calmly.
- Focus on the issue at hand: Avoid bringing up past arguments or unrelated issues.
- Find a compromise: Marriage is about give and take. Be willing to meet your partner halfway.
Pop culture reference: Monica and Chandler from Friends had their share of conflicts, but their ability to talk things through and find compromise made them one of the most stable couples in the show. Every conflict they faced was an opportunity to grow closer.
- Build Emotional Resilience
Emotional resilience is your ability to bounce back from adversity and stress. Marriage can be stressful at times—whether it’s due to financial pressures, family obligations, or personal struggles. Building emotional resilience before you get married helps you handle the ups and downs of marriage without falling apart.
Here are a few ways to build emotional resilience:
- Practice mindfulness and meditation to stay grounded during stressful times.
- Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who encourage your growth.
- Engage in hobbies and activities that help you maintain a sense of individuality and joy.
- Develop Financial Compatibility
Money matters. It’s one of the leading causes of tension in relationships and can create significant stress in a marriage if not properly managed. Before getting married, sit down with your partner and discuss financial habits, debts, and savings goals. Financial compatibility doesn’t mean you have to agree on every financial decision, but it means you should have an open and honest understanding of each other’s financial expectations.
Ask yourselves:
- Do we have a joint savings plan?
- What are our financial priorities as a couple?
- How do we plan to handle debt and major purchases?
Building financial compatibility means being transparent about your financial situation and aligning your future financial goals.
- Prepare for Growth and Change
Marriage is not static. Both you and your partner will grow and change over time. Your relationship will evolve as well, and it’s important to be open to that growth. Before getting married, talk about how you envision your life together in the future, but also be ready to adapt as life throws surprises your way.
Successful couples don’t resist change—they embrace it. They support each other’s personal growth and see the changes in their relationship as opportunities to grow closer. This kind of flexibility is key to building a lasting marriage.
- Prioritize Your Relationship Over Everything Else
Marriage is about prioritizing your relationship above everything else. With the demands of work, family, and personal interests, it can be easy to take your partner for granted. However, the most successful marriages are the ones where both partners continually invest time and energy into maintaining their connection.
Here are ways to prioritize your relationship:
- Schedule regular date nights, even after marriage.
- Take time to check in with each other emotionally.
- Celebrate each other’s successes and offer support during hard times.
In South Asian culture, where family and community often take precedence, it’s especially important to make your marriage a priority. Building a strong foundation early on will help you navigate external pressures with confidence.
- Surround Yourself with Positive Role Models
Finally, surround yourself with couples who inspire you. Whether it’s your parents, friends, or a mentor couple, having positive role models can give you valuable insights into what makes a marriage work. Observe how they communicate, how they handle challenges, and how they celebrate each other.
Pop culture reference: Think of Michelle and Barack Obama—their partnership has inspired millions around the world. Their public admiration for each other and their ability to navigate life’s challenges together are powerful examples of what a successful marriage can look like.
Conclusion: Building a Lasting Marriage Before You Say ‘I Do’
There’s no magic formula for building a lasting marriage, but by investing in communication, self-awareness, emotional resilience, and shared values, you can create a strong foundation for a lifelong partnership. As you approach your wedding day, take time to reflect on these elements and prioritize building a marriage that thrives on love, trust, and growth.
Marriage isn’t just a commitment—it’s a journey. And by preparing yourself emotionally and mentally, you’re setting yourself and your partner up for success. So, before you say “I do,” make sure you’re saying “I will” to all the tools and practices that will strengthen your marriage for years to come.
Ready to get serious about preparing for marriage? Check out my Wedding Worthy Program—your guide to mastering the skills you need for a happy, successful marriage.
